Impulsivity is My Superpower

By the time I got my ADHD diagnosis, it was no surprise that I was wired a bit differently.

For years, I have struggled to stick to anything. Sure, I’d have little successes here and there. I had many different jobs, some successful, some not so fun. Plenty of adventures and significant life decisions were made, too. At one point, I lived in four different states in a year.

If you mention a top-selling self-help book, I’ve probably read it—or at least tried to start it—before glomming onto another book or podcast clip that offered similar self-help information.

I’ve done all the mental health things you were supposed to do. I’d been in therapy for over four years (thanks, Sherry) and gotten sober. I’ve made meditation a regular part of my life. I’d quit all junk food and worked out (begrudgingly).

In many ways, I was doing it all. I had all the tools, resources, and knowledge to lead a successful, productive life.

Yet, I felt like I couldn’t do a thing.

Too much spastic energy to focus on any project or my day job. I’d lose interest in my passions fast and spend most of my days on the internet. When my energy ran out with an inevitable burnout, you were lucky to see me outside my room.

It didn’t matter what schedule I used or what helpful advice I recited to myself. The harder I tried to guide myself, the harder I fell.

And I always fell.

My ADHD diagnosis made a lot more sense. Until it was explained to me by a doctor, I didn’t know that it was caused by the way my brain is wired rather than just catching it from watching too much TV or overeating sugar.

Finally, I had a reason for my problems. However, I had no idea how to fix them. My inability to focus was still there, and the stress remained.

By nearly giving up, I accidentally found my answer.

Why fight against my ADHD?

Of course, some tasks need your attention to be completed or take your focus. That’s never going to change.

But your ADHD mind isn’t just about lacking focus. Weirdly, you can almost think of ADHD, like your mind focusing on too many things for too short of a time than you might like.

But why not go with it? The energy I feel without restricting it makes me feel like I have boundless energy.

I just went where the ADHD guided me.

Once I let go, I found myself just floating from task to task, accomplishing small things or just being distracted and doing 60% of one, becoming distracted by another task, and then finding myself returning to finish it later.

Does this sound efficient? Probably not. However, I realized that by simply allowing my impulses to take control, I suddenly found myself guided from task to task, making more progress than I had in days.

Here’s why: when I let myself bounce around at my own pace, I was always making progress toward my overall goals rather than focusing on which exact thing I was doing.

When I tried to restrict myself in a disciplined fashion, I used more energy to keep myself within bounds rather than using it on the task itself. If I didn’t have the focus? Sucks, power through.

By the end of the day, I had used so much energy I didn’t have time to jump on my other tasks. Often, I had the dreaded analysis paralysis: with so many things I could be focusing on, am I doing the right thing? Should I be doing something else or doing it a better way? My solution became the same thing every time: go on my phone until my brain could figure it out, which frankly did nothing for me, as I’m sure comes as no surprise.

I call this ‘collapsing over the starting line.’ By the time I was ready to start on the tasks in front of me (Usually after spending far too much time and energy outlining what I should do), I’d find myself burned out quickly on my tasks, which can be even worse when their tasks I have to push back the mental exhaustion to complete. This leads to deep burnouts that are hard to recover from, especially since your sense of being behind only leads to more pressure to heal faster.

There is no perfect system; you must follow the process that works for you. This was a harsh lesson I had to learn for myself, but it has paid off.

Now, I use my ADHD brain and impulsive instincts to be the engine to drive me forward. I no longer fight myself. Of course, I still set goals and layout tasks to guide myself toward what I must complete. However, by letting myself mentally wander much more, I give myself more energy to complete the task rather than burn out eventually. The difference is that I gently guide myself in the direction I want rather than focus on staying between the lines.

Working is all about progress, not the result. The most important thing is to continually chip away at your overall task until it’s complete. It doesn’t matter if it’s done all at once or in sporadic bursts of energy. As long as you accomplish your tasks at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

My ADHD mind went from my biggest roadblock to my engine toward productivity with just one move: embracing it as my superpower.